Check Your Privilege

When I feel helpless, I write. I wrote this a few months ago not sure if I would ever share it. But, today I realized we cannot just sit back in silence. We cannot be blind. We cannot be ignorant. Our world needs peace. It need acceptance. It needs open, productive, and peaceful conversations. So, maybe this will start one.

I grew up in a small Texas town. I was sheltered. I was blind. I was taught equality, and I believed it. I never saw the color of my skin as an advantage. History books and teachers explained racial issues and racism as something that put people at a disadvantage. It wasn’t until college during a gender and cultural class that I even thought about how the color of my skin gave me privilege.

Shortly after the Trayvon Martin case began, my professor asked everyone in the class to raise their hand if they had ever been pulled over by the cops – a majority of the class raised their hands. The professor then asked us to keep our hands raised if the cop searched our car. My hand went down. The girl’s hand next to me went down, and then I looked around. A majority of the hands left in the air were students of a different race. We then spent a large majority of the semester discussing white privilege.

I’m able to turn on the TV and see people of my race as lead characters on pretty much every channel. I can be pulled over by the cops, and not be questioned or searched because of the color of my skin. I can walk through an airport and be pulled into TSA pre-check because they do not see me as a threat. When I cut my hand, I can use a Band-Aid that matches the color of my skin. I grew up playing with dolls and Barbies that looked like me. White privilege.

I’ve never had a conversation with my parents about how to behave around law enforcement. It was never something they had to worry about. I’ve never feared police officers. I never questioned how it looked if I was wearing a sweatshirt. These conversations are happening all around me. And, the fact is, they have to happen, because things aren’t changing.

We cannot deny white privilege. We can acknowledge it and make steps toward removing prejudice and racism. White privilege does not discount your own hardships. It is not something you can apologize for. It’s not even about you individually. It’s a concept and a reality of the culture we live in, and it’s something you must acknowledge and be aware of.

My hope is that this gets you thinking about something you may not have thought about before. Checking your privilege is not about apologizing. It’s simply recognizing and acknowledging the life experiences and privilege differences that exist. Whether it’s race privileges, gender privileges, or economic privileges, there comes a time when many of us can stop and check our privileges. Be willing and able to examine yourself and set aside your bias to see inequalities that exist today.

Prayers for Dallas. Prayers for our police. Prayers for their families. Prayers for Peace.

Alton Sterling
Philando Castile
Freddie Gray
Michael Brown
Walter Scott
Laquan McDonald
Eric Garner
And the many who have been left unnamed.

What if that was your daughter?

Dear Mr. Turner,

I cannot fathom how a father can perpetuate rape culture in the manner in which you did. I am disgusted and appalled, and quite frankly more upset than I am surprised. I understand your overwhelming desire to protect your son, but what if that were your daughter? What if that was your child who woke up in a hospital and was told that she had been sexually assaulted behind a dumpster.

What if that was your daughter? How would you react to know that someone referred to her rape as, get this, “20 minutes of action.” A young woman woke up in a hospital bed to be told she was a rape victim, and you choose to refer to the worst moment of her life as 20 MINUTES OF ACTION.

I can understand that alcohol was involved. I can understand that Brock was not in his right state of mind. I can even understand alcohol and promiscuity. What I cannot understand is rape. What I cannot understand is sexual assault. What I cannot understand is how someone can sexually assault an unconscious person and attempt to run away from the scene, yet claim that consent was involved.

If that were your daughter, how would you feel if someone suggested, “probation is the best answer…in this situation”? In the end, your son was convicted of three counts of felony sexual assault. If that were your daughter, would you still believe probation would be the best answer? And how would you feel, if that was your daughter, if the Judge believed that a lengthy prison sentence would “have a severe impact” on the attacker? Would you agree that six months of jail and three years of probation would be justice for something that has forever altered the life of the victim?

Mr. Turner, what I want you to know is that I have empathy. I know Brock is a son, a friend, a brother, and a teammate. I empathize with your pain and fear, but be a father. A father loves unconditionally, but also teaches their child life lessons. This is a big one. Love you son, but teach him how to assume responsibility.Teach him how to accept the consequences to his actions. Pray for him. Demand that he do better. And, that all starts with you. Be better. Lead by example.

If that were your daughter, how would you feel if story after story of rape and sexual assault victims ended this way, or worse never reported or never received justice? Luckily that wasn’t your daughter, but it was your son who took away everything from someone else’s daughter.

Your inabilities to recognize or even acknowledge the violence that took place, is absolutely horrific. Did you know, that because of your words, you are contributing to someone else’s daughter becoming one of the 80% of women who do not report sexual assault for fear of it being referred to as something such as “20 minutes of action.” Think about that next time you dismiss sexual assault and rape culture. More importantly, think about what you would say if that were your daughter.

Sincerely,
20something

Adulting

I’m not sure when one is suppose to feel like an adult, but since I’m almost 25, I think it’s probably time to start being more of one. Adulting is hard. I don’t own a home, have a backyard to garden in or have children to be responsible for. I still call my mom for help with recipes and my dad when my check engine light comes on. Do adults still call their parents on the reg?

I’m dedicating 2016 to #adulting. My journey to adulthood includes but is not limited to:

• Wearing real pants when running errands,
• Not complaining about having to take a shower,
• Eating all the vegetables before they go bad,
• Waking up early enough to watch the morning news,
• Wearing make-up to work,
• Never having chipped nail polish,
• Smiling at children in the grocery store instead of cringing at their bad behavior,
• Purchasing brand name paper towels (off brand just screams pre-adult),
• Enjoy daytime instead of nighttime, and
• Making overall better life decisions.

If this can be accomplished, I’d say I’m well on my way to adulthood. And, when all else fails, I will resort to WWMD. But really, what would mom do?

Sincerely,

Twenty{adult}something

(un)Fit Foods

Let’s get one thing straight, I work-out so I can drink wine and brunch. In fact, I could probably live off a very small menu the rest of my life, and by small, I mean everything included on the list below. Snap Kitchen and My Fit Foods may be a fad that I’ll pretend to enjoy every now and again, but place one of these (un)fit foods in front of me (or any female for that matter) and we’ll probably get along just fine.

Brunch. Show me a girl that doesn’t love brunch, and I’ll show you a liar. Because honestly, what’s better than a menu with breakfast tacos, chicken and waffles, biscuits and gravy, breakfast bowls, and bottomless mimosas? Heck, I’ve even seen breakfast served on the skewer of a Bloody Mary! *sigh*

Chick Fil A. All hail the chicken-lovin’ mascot that represents all things right in this world – the Chick Fil A cow. Think chicken minis, chicken nuggets, chicken sandwiches, and tastes good on anything Chick Fil A sauce, and, well ladies and gents, we’ve got a real winner on our hands.

Chips and Queso. Have you every turned down chips and queso? If so, we probably wouldn’t be friends. What goes better with a girls’ night then chips and queso and a margarita? Okay, maybe pizza and wine.

Pizza and Wine. See comment mentioned above.

Sushi. A girl’s gotta eat fish one way or another. Why not rolled it up in rice with cream cheese, avocado, jalapeño, and spicy mayo. Now the chopsticks I could do without, but some things are worth sacrificing for.

Chipotle. Is an explanation even needed?

Ice Cream. Guess who’s back? Back again. Bluebell’s back, tell a friend. Want to know what solves all problems in this word? A bowl of ice cream. You might also find that it pairs nicely with any show that includes Chris Harrison or Andy Cohen…. or so I’ve heard.

Pumpkin Spice Latte. The only liquid one needs to consume in the fall.

Pumpkin Spice anything. Have you seen Pinterest during Thanksgiving? As my favorite girl group once said – Spice up your life!

Well, now you know the secret to my heart, and every other female for that matter. So how about the next time you want to Netflix and chill, at least include one of the items above. On second thought, I’ll order some pizza and netflix and chill…by myself.

Sincerely,

20something

#SquadGoals

Whether you were running through the 6 or watching Taylor Swift and her model brigade take over the world, it’s easy to say this was the summer of #squadgoals. This got me thinking – who are all the friends that make up said “squad”? Well, throughout our lifetime, we will make a lot of “friends,” (just look at your number on Facebook). Some will be acquaintances, while others are frenemies, but most importantly, few will be best friends. So, I’ve compiled a few types of friends every “squad” has:

The “Childhood” Best Friend
This one has known you your whole life. They loved you through your awkward phase and were there for your first dates, heartbreaks, and missteps. It may have been awhile since you have caught up, but when you do, it’s just like old times.

The “Sibling” Best Friend
Yes, they may be blood, but siblings are the best friends that don’t have a choice but to love you. They’re the ones you love to hate, but the ones you can’t live without. When all is said and done, you know you can count on them for anything.

The “Attached at the Hip” Best Friend
You do everything together. They know every detail of your life – the snack you had after lunch, the red light you ran on your way home, the boy you swiped right. They know it all. You sometimes wonder how you haven’t run out of things to talk about, but when that happens, your comfortable with sitting in silence. Separation anxiety is a real thing and should be avoided at all cost.

The “I’ve got my Life Together” Best Friend
In between work, working out, hosting dinner parties, wine nights, and calling it a night with her BAE, this one can do it all. You aspire to have your life as put together as she does. If she can’t hang out, you understand why – she’s probably saving the world, traveling the world, or most likely ruling it.

The “Life of the Party” Best Friend
Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Hide yo liver. Guys love her. Girls love her – or at least love to hate her. But, there’s no denying she is the life of the party. This friend may lack a filter and have stories for days, but that’s what makes them great. They bring the laughter, the love, and enough stories to last a lifetime. There’s never a dull moment with this one.

The “Mom” Best Friend
You know you wouldn’t have made it far without this one. She remembered all your doctors appointments (when you didn’t), wished you good luck before every big event, and sends you inspiring texts “just because.” She’s the thoughtful one, the loyal one, and the one who kicked you into gear when you needed it. She is often referred to as the mom of the group, because she somehow keeps everyone in line.

The “Instant” Best Friend
You may have ventured past work lines, struck up convo in line at the bathroom, or simply met through friends. Either way, you’re pretty sure that she’s your soul mate in female form. When you’re together, it seems like you’ve known each other for forever. This one may also fall into “attached at the hip” category.

The “Innocent/Gullible” Best Friend
She’s the worrier, the goody-two-shoes, and often the gullible one. People see her as the “innocent” one of the group – but you all know the truth. Behind those innocent eyes is the rebel child she never got to be. She may fall for things too easily, get lost every once and awhile, and laugh at her own jokes, but she’s genuine, she’s real, and, she’ll have your back no matter what.

The “Roommate” Best Friend
The roommate can be a tough one. You spend day in and day out together. Once you get past all the hair they leave behind, the stuff they leave scattered throughout the house, and the fact that they wake you up with all that noise in the morning, roommates can be pretty great… especially if their a pet. Dogs may be a man’s best friend, but cats are the single girls best friend. Shout out to Rue, Abby, and Shankly!

It takes a village to raise a child, right? Well, in that case it takes all these friends to get me to and through my twenties. #SquadGoals

Sincerely,

20something